Alternate Uses For The Caillou Halloween Pumpkin Stencil

PBS put out a Caillou pumpkin jack-o-lantern stencil. As if Halloween isn't stressful enough trying to find an Elsa costume, stop yourself from eating 8lbs of candy every night that is supposed to be for neighborhood rugrats, and prepare for the shitstorm that will be walking around with your kids in the dark tomorrow night.

Not only do parents not have time for that kind of shit, but I have to ask myself: Do they not realize how many parents would rather suck snot directly out of their child's nose with their mouth than have to stare at that walking cold sore?

Not only is Caillou a whiny bastard, he trains other children to act like whiny bastards. This is unacceptable. I don't know if it's because he's ill and about to go on some Make A Wish trip, but his parents let him do whatever the hell he wants with no consequences. If I were Caillou's aunt I'd pull the little bitch aside and say, "Listen prick, I know your deadbeat parents are fucking up royally but once you get into the real world know that we're not going to put up with your antics so get it together."

Back to the jack-o-lantern. The only purpose for actually making a Caillou jack-o-lantern is if you plan to tell young trick or treaters that Caillou was so bad that you were forced to trap his evil soul into a pumpkin where it will live for all time. Other than that, there's no reason to do it. We must not immortalize this demon cartoon child. He is a bad example. No, he's the worst example of how a kid should act.

I truly believe that his parents are on 24/hour sedatives. How else do you explain their clothes and overly calm demeanor?

Since you're not making the pumpkin, here are a couple alternate uses for the print out.

Toilet Bowl Aim-er

Got a boy? Does he have a peen? Help him learn how to piss with accuracy. Print this shit out on toilet paper or some other thin paper or laminate it first. By pissing on Caillou's face, your child will learn that whining will get you a face full of urine.

Fun Caillou Dart Game

What's the old saying? Ah yes: "Act like a bitch get cut like a bitch." Put this dart board in the den (or family room) as a reminder that assholes never prosper.

I hope I've provided you with a couple alternatives to making a jack-o-lantern out of this wanker. Caillou must be stopped. I'm waiting for the episode where his mom says "Fuck this shit" and checks into a hotel.

Happy Halloween.


I wrote a book called Toddlers Are A**holes. It's a fucking mess. Just like my life.    Get it: Toddlers Are A**holes on Amazon or Barnes & Noble